Bret Baier’s not so “Special Report” on March 22nd 2011 featured a 4 minute and 13 second piece on CFL’s (compact fluorescent light bulbs), or as I like to call them, “EOYWBFTE Bulbs.” That stands for “Easier On Your Wallet Better For The Environment.” This enlightening discussion included Juan Williams, Fred Barnes and Charles Kauthammer. At the beginning of the discussion, Baier cited a Special Report Poll posing the question,  ”Will you start hoarding incandescent light bulbs before they’re phased out for energy efficient bulbs on January 1, 2012?” 79.44% of the people who took this poll voted yes. It just so happens that the same exact percentage, 79.44% of those people are clueless.

Fred Barnes lead the discussion with this statement, “I’m going to hoard hundreds of these old fashioned bulbs.” After hearing this I immediately grabbed my keys and started heading out the door with the intention of visiting every hardware, drug, and home improvement store within a 50 mile radius to get my hands on every “old fashioned bulb” I could find. I only hope Fred Barnes doesn’t beat me to it. But as I approached my driveway I remembered; this is the guy who actually took time out of his life to write a book about George W. Bush called “Rebel In Chief.” So I closed the car door and started back in the house. Satisfied that I was not going to follow the advice of a moron, I kicked my feet up on my recycled stack of newspapers and rewound the Special Report segment. After all, it was only fair to let Fred explain why he felt the need to stock-up on a technology that’s over 130 years old.

His answer was related to the fact that CFL bulbs contain a trace amount of mercury inside. An amount so small in fact that it barely would fit on the tip of a pen. “What if you have kids around as a lot of people do, what are you going to do if one of these light bulbs break?”, Mr. Barnes said. Well now you’re making sense Fred. You’re right! What if Jewish people start replacing plates with CFL’s bulbs at weddings? What happens if light fixtures suddenly corrode and light bulbs start dropping from the ceiling. Worse yet, what if a runaway bulldozer smashes through the front of a Wal-Mart and uncontrollably rolls down the light bulb aisle?

You idiot. Do you check the caps on the bleach in your laundry room every night? Do you pull your stove out and make sure the gas lines are securely tightened every so often? Do you have a pool Fred? And if so do you make sure it’s covered every night so lost blind children don’t accidentally fall in? No need to get back to me on those questions. The answer is no.

But upon further review of this Special Report, it turns out it wasn’t the release of mercury on his living room floor that concerned Fred Barnes. That was evident in this statement, “We had to get new toilets so the water would flush less, and new shower heads so not as much water would come out.” Ah so that’s it! The ol’ government is taking over our lives bit. I knew it was in there somewhere. And to think, I thought you were a concerned, environmentally responsible citizen.

Fred even dropped the “we’re becoming a nanny state” line on us and then that really got me thinking. Fred’s right, if we let the government take away our energy sucking, short life, hot burning, antiquated light bulbs now…what’s next? I mean where does it end? Am I going to have to give up lead in my paint? Will the government take away my right to have asbestos in my walls? And what about my car? I’ve been trying to remove those airbags in the dash ever since I bought the thing? What kind of nanny state is this where I can’t smash my head through a windshield if I want to?

You go ahead Fred Barnes. You take your time riding around Washington “hoarding old fashioned light bulbs.” To pick all these bulbs up, why not rent the biggest, baddest SUV with as little air in the tires as possible so you get the least amount of MPG’s you can? In the meantime, I’ll be anxiously awaiting the toilet and shower head police to show up at my door. And damn them to hell if they thing they’re going to stop me from saving one drop of water for the good of anything!

I would like to briefly comment on Charles Kauthammer’s comments relating to the matter. He said, “”Let people in the market decide, you can even have the government put its thumb on the scale by subsidizing CFR’s.”  Now I was going to go into this whole thing about sometimes people don’t know what’s best for them and perhaps the “free market” isn’t always the best answer. Especially when it comes to thing’s that people know nothing about. But the interesting part about Charles Kauthammer’s comments about CFL’s is that he called them “CFR’s!”  Charles, do me a favor would ya? If you don’t even know what the hell you are talking about don’t lend your opinion to it. Thanks.

Well that concludes this commentary on Bret Baier’s “Special Report.” I would like to write more on the topic but it’s getting hard to see. My incandescent light bulb just burned out and I have to replace it with something much more energy efficient … a candle.

Is that a Samsung Galaxy Tab in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Enough is enough. The idea for this article has been festering for quite some time. In fact, it was first conceived on November 10th 2010 when technology blog Gizmodo, conducted a review of the Samsung Galaxy Tab entitled, “Samsung Galaxy Tab Review: A Pocketable Train Wreck.” A portion of the aricle goes on to say that, “This thing is just a mess. It’s like a tablet drunkenly hooked up with a phone, and then took the fetus swimming in a Superfund cleanup site.”  To Matt Buchanan who wrote the article I say, take it easy. You’re out-of-line on this one.  I own a Samsung Galaxy Tab and I love it. The 7″ form factor is perfect and the fact that it weighs half that of Apple’s iPad makes a big difference in the carpal tunnel category. Perhaps Mr. Buchanan you have some type of small complex. I’m not saying where but just perhaps.

A lot of other reviews called the device, “Nothing more than a large Android phone.” Well … a 50″ TV is nothing more than a big 27″ TV. A puffy GoreTex George Constanza like coat is nothing more than a large spring jacket and an iPad is nothing more than a large iPhone. But that’s one you rarely hear about Apples beloved device. It seemed to be the overall reaction when the iPad first debuted but no more.

Even Google, the company behind Android for those who live under a rock,  came out and said “The current Android operating system is not meant for tablet devices.” I disagree whole heartedly Mr. Schmidt (did you happen to find a new job by the way). Android 2.2 runs just fine on my Galaxy Tab as do all of the apps in the Market, and despite your protests and warnings I bought one anyway. Honeycomb may or may not come as an update via Samsung, but I’m actually starting to care less and less. Besides knowing Samsung’s history with update rollouts I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Perhaps it will help if I break down what I actually do with the Samsung tablet and why the smaller 7″ screen is better than the Ipad’s 1o”.

• Book reading.

Why the Samsung Galaxy Tab shines: Reading books on The Galaxy Tab is a joy. The size feels almost paperback like. The Amazon Kindle, although a great device doesn’t cut it at night when reading in a dark room. If I need to connect a book light  to something, I’d feel less ridiculous attaching one to an actual book.

But why isn’t the iPad better? It’s to heavy. Try holding that thing in your hands while you are lying in bed for 30-40 minutes. Unless it’s a book of short stories you’re probably not going to make it very long.

• In the bathroom (good now you won’t ask me to borrow it).

Why the Samsung Galaxy Tab shines: It’s smaller. Again, it’s just more comfortable to sit there holding a device that weighs half of what the iPad weighs. Especially when the only thing holding it up from underneath is … you get the point. And let’s not forget that a lot of men use their bathroom as a masturbation sanctuary and it’s a whole hell of a lot easier to “do your business” when you can keep one hand free. When you’re looking at porn in the confines on your bathroom while your significant other wonders what the hell is taking you so long, do you really need a few extra inches of screen space. Boobs are boobs.

But why isn’t the iPad better? It’s to heavy. Please see the preceding paragraph.

• Watching Video on some websites.

Why the Samsung Galaxy Tab shines: It can do Flash plain and simple. While not all websites require Flash to watch Video and we all wait in anticipation of HTML 5, you don’t have to worry about it with the Tab. OK sure, it slows things down a little bit sometimes, but that’s the price I’m willing to pay in order to have the freedom to visit a Flash based website or watch Flash video if I please. Even the  new Motorola Xoom doesn’t come with Flash. Motorola claims spring 2011 but those “coming soon” claims always seem to be shaky.

But why isn’t the iPad better? Because Mr. Jobs can be a dick sometimes and decided that he will decide what type of software runs on a device you paid a lot of money for. Sorry, no Flash FOR YOU! Oh and it’s to heavy.

• Honorable mentions – Email, social networking and writing.

Why the Samsung Galaxy Tab shines: All three of these things require much of the same activity, typing. In portrait mode, the Samsung Galaxy Tab is the perfect width to type the way many of us have become accustomed to, with our thumbs. In this respect the Galaxy Tab IS like a big phone and that’s a good thing. They keyboard is the perfect width to quickly jot down a note or even a quick blog post. Add in a great keyboard app like Swift Key and typing is a breeze. In landscape mode, just set it down and you have a nice full wide keyboard layout.

But why isn’t the iPad better? It’s to big AND to heavy. The iPad is impossible to type with using strictly your thumbs and in my opinion it’s an odd experience when the device is lying on a flat surface. Hold it in one hand and type with the other: you’ll either drop it in 3 minutes or your arm feels like it’s going to fall off.

Climate change, global warming, climate change, global warming. Who cares what we call it as long as it comes! And after this brutal Northeast winter it can’t come soon or hot enough. I say bring it on, the extended summers, more bikini clad women, what’s not to like? And, we can finally end the debate as to whether or not the earth’s temperature is increasing and move onto real issues, like

10. Polar bear attacks will finally be on the decline.

9. More waterfront property for people living along the coasts.

8. No more looking at Shaun White and his goofy smile at the Winter Olympics.

7. No more Winter Olympics

6. The Titanic can rise again and set sail without worry.

5. Less hangers in landfills as winter coats are no longer necessary.

4. Snowball blinding accidents become a thing of the past.

3. No more expensive rental equipment for skiing, now we can just run down the hill.

2. We can finally listen to skeptics and Republicans say, “Opps, looks like we were wrong, sorry about that.”

1. We can finally get rid of that stupid phrase, “And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

As a self-proclaimed journalist I write a lot. OK, this is only the third post on this site but I promise you, check back in a month or so and you will see I really do write a lot. I also go to the doctors on occasion like most Americans as well as visit the dentist every so often. I have worked in an office of one hundred as well as an office of one. Prior to purchasing my wonderful Samsung Galaxy Tab and downloading the Amazon Kindle application I used to purchase a lot of books.

“Excuse me, but where are you going with this?”, most of you are probably uttering. I ask that you please bear with me. Thank you I appreciate your patience.

As I write this article I look to my left and on my desk is a neatly clipped stack of papers that number 1 through 48,  46 pages of which are not even necessary, but it was just a matter of convenience upon clicking print.  I realize the waste now and feel the guilt. To my right is another stack of papers more useless than the 46 to my left. I don’t feel as guilty about those because I didn’t even put them there.  According to the EPA the average office worker in the United States uses 10,000 sheets of copy paper each year. That’s four million tons of copy paper used annually. That’s equivalent to a 12 foot high wall of paper from New York to California. In short, that’s ridiculous.

As e-readers and tablets such as the Ipad become more  prevalent there’s no doubt that those numbers will decrease.  But an important question is why we still use as much paper today, if not more, than we did 20 years ago. Current and past Presidents have proclaimed that Americans are addicted to oil, and while that is true we are also addicted to those white sheets that often go unused and unrecycled. Although it may not seem like it up to this point, this is not a tree hugging, pro environment based article. That’s for another time. This was written with the sole purpose to declare how bad the PDF format sucks and why we need a better solution.

Steve Jobs is hell bent on destroying the Flash and .swf format. And although some of Mr. Job’s points on Flash are valid, it is not nearly as cumbersome, annoying and just plain shitty as the everyday PDF. Case in point; if I were to visit a website on my Android device which does incorporate Flash, sorry Iphone users, it works. It might take an extra few seconds to load, it might put a bit more strain on my phone’s processor and the battery may drain slightly faster, but … it works. Now, if I visit a PDF version of a page on a website, and this is always by accident never intentional, the expletives start flying fast and furious. Much faster in fact than the page will actually open. In fact, if I try to open that same page on the very Dell Latitude with an i5 processor and 4 gb of RAM that I am using to write this article, the same expletives roll off my tongue. Why? Because PDF’s suck.

I find it amazing that in 2011 we have yet to find a format better than Adobe’s PDF. And here’s some quick points to bolster my opinion.

• They take forever to open up. I’m starting to think that even the world’s fastest supercomputers hiccup when opening PDF’s.
• The average person can not edit them. Unless you’re willing to shell out some serious dough to Adobe, the only thing most users can do with a typical PDF file is read it.
• If you are lucky enough and have the software to edit a PDF file, good luck trying to figure out how to do so.
• The file size is ridiculous. I have movie files that are smaller.
• PDF’s crash browsers.
• Most computers require a download from Adobe’s website just to view them. Wait, here comes the call from the parents.

Our President has said that in order to cut down on health care costs we need to digitize medical records. This is absolutely true. But I think the reason this process has yet to come to fruition is because the actual process itself is horrible. We are going to need a better format than the pitiful PDF if we are to ween ourselves off paper. Using the popular PDF format to reduce paper usage would be like trying to use a toothpick to butter a  bagel; slow and pointless. And no Microsoft Word documents are not the answer because they encounter many of the same issues. Obama is proposing a (long overdue) high speed rail system in this country. I’m proposing we do the same for the digitization of documents. It’s about time we got on the fast track to using less paper and making the sharing of digital documents an easier process. Because if we don’t do something soon, the next time I have to wait for a PDF document to open I’m going to throw myself in front of one of those high speed trains.

PS
Please do not print this document. Thank you.

Congressman Jack Kingston of Georgia’s 1st congressional district appeared on Real Time with Bill Maher this past  Friday evening.  Despite partial succumbing to his charming southern drawl and jovial attitude for much of the show, I ended up saying aloud, “My God, you are an idiot.” Now the outburst of “My God” was ironic given the fact that it was prompted by an answer the Congressman had given when Bill Maher asked the question, “Do you believe in evolution?” There was hope for a moment. There was a chance for redemption for all those who had yet to embrace science and the funny thing that follows, facts.  I had crossed my fingers, closed my eyes and listened intently. I hadn’t been this on the edge of my seat since Sylvester Stallone held on to that screaming woman in Cliffhanger. But just like Sly, Jack Kingston couldn’t hang on. He couldn’t do the right thing and say, “No.” For that reason, my shoulders slumped, my head lay low and the words “My God, you are an idiot” involuntarily spewed from my lips.

My succumbation to southern charm had turned into anger at  religious stupidity. There is a bigger picture here though, and that’s not only what angers me,  but also saddens me to the point of hopelessness. Bill Maher looked at Jack Kingston after he answered the question on evolution and said, “Really, you really don’t believe in evolution?” in a constrained manner. He should have laid into him. Now I understand this Congressman has appeared on Real Time before and Bill Maher must show a certain level of gratitude and respect for any Republican guest appearing on his show.  With that said, we do not intend to interview Jack Kingston anytime soon so I can say without reservation that, “You sir are a fucking idiot and you’re lack of scientific knowledge is both disheartening and disturbing.” I wish Bill Maher had said the same.

Evolution is no longer a matter of opinion. It is not up for debate. Should not be argued against with the ridiculous notion of creationism and anyone who believes God created the Earth and all it contains within 7 days is not fit for public office. There are serious consequences when prominent members of government disregard scientific facts for their own ridiculous relgious beliefs. What are those consequences? Other stupid people believe them. Then the stupid kids of those stupid people believe their parents and the cycle never ends.

Religion is a serious problem in the United States and it’s a cancer throughout the world. I find it scary when a grown man who holds political office is still debating the fairy tales of the bible and still questioning whether glaciers are melting at an unprecedented rate. Until we rid ourselves of this religious ideology and no longer elect bible-toting men and women like Jack Kingston we’re all going to be in a heap of trouble. I appreciate the southern hospitality Congressman Kingston, it’s the lack of education I can do without.

The United States is disgracefully fat. No, disregard that last statement please. That’s not at all true. Let rephrase, The United States is disgracefully obese (for the difference see the following article) and getting worse. One third of this country is considered obese. We lead the entire world in being fat. Most, of sound mind anyway, would agree that steps need to be taken to reduce the health-care costs in this country. The debate has been going on for fifty years and President Obama made health-care his top priority in 2010. Michele Obama has started the ‘Let’s Move’ initiative to battle childhood obesity. That is all well and good but it does not change the fact that the United States is getting larger and larger every year.  But when it comes to lowering health care costs Americans want to “Have their cake and eat it too”, literally.

The President needs to call a press conference to tell the American people, “Losing weight will lead to a better lifestyle!” Umm wait no, that won’t work. The President needs to tell the American people, “Reducing their size sets a good example for their children!” Hmm no that won’t do anything either. Wait! I got it. The President needs to look the American people in the eye on prime time television and declare, “My fellow citizens. The number one thing we can do to reduce healthcare costs for all Americans is to improve the health of all Americans.”

“Wait. Did he seriously just interrupt me during the game to give me a lecture on eating better. Who does this guy think he is,” says Mr. Braldey as he tops off his quart size bowl of ice cream with some nuts and fudge. Rumblings of discontent could be heard in 30% of the households in the United States as people declare that he has no right to tell “Us how to eat!” “Socialism, Socialism!”

I believe there are two solutions that can have a tremendous impact on the health-care costs in this country. One is something everyone is very familiar with, cash, and the other is a National Public Fitness System. If there is one thing that Americans respond to more than calories it’s money. If people are too lazy to lose weight because of a silly reason such as their health than perhaps they’ll respond to incentives. The idea is simple really; health-care rates for an individual are based on their concern for their own health and their productivity in they gym. Think of it as the Allstate Good Driver Discount for your fat ass. Why should someone who leads a healthy lifestyle pay the same rates for health insurance as someone tooling around on an electric scooter, sailing the seas bouncing from buffet table to buffet table? The fact is they shouldn’t. The same way a responsible driver shouldn’t pay as much for car insurance as a teenager who just received their license.

I’m not going to go in details on specific incentives, but here are some suggestions:

• Pass a physical with flying colors, cheaper rate
• Non-smoker, cheaper rate
• Gym member, cheaper rate
• Proper weight in proportion to your height and age, cheaper rate

I think you get the idea.

“But gym memberships are expensive,” you say. Perhaps it would help if the federal government were to provide tax breaks for all those who paid gym memberships. Republicans are always concerned with reducing taxes for the rich, so perhaps they wouldn’t object to tax brakes for the fat. I would go so far as to say that the government could pay you for reaching certain health goals over a period of time. Imagine receiving a check in the mail just for hitting the treadmill! Giving a few bucks now to someone who maintains their health would be far cheaper than the bypass surgery they’re going to need a year from now.

I would even suggest a National Pubic Fitness Club System. Think of it as a Public Library system for the unhealthy. This would no doubt raise concerns for gym owners and cause quite a stir. But to those owners I would say such a system would be beneficial to business. Raising awareness to America’s ridiculous weight problem could only bring in more customers. Besides, have our public libraries had a negative impact on the bottom-line of Barnes & Noble.

The point is we are a fat, gluttonous country and getting bigger by the year. Population growth is a concern, but when the population is twice the size they should be than we have a much bigger problem. Literally. We’re so quick to be concerned with terrorism and our safety, and with good reason, yet there’s an al-Qaida in one-third of the American peoples heart just waiting to attack. What are we doing about that disaster waiting to happen?

They say a rising tide lifts all boats. Well a boat will also lift itself if everyone sitting in it is not 75lbs overweight.

Additional Note: There is research being done in the field of  ”feeling full”. I felt that was outside the scope of this article but for more information please visit The Wall Street Journal Article, “Hungry? Your Stomach Really Does Have  a Mind of Its Own.”